It's been a while so I have a bit of an essay - a big coffee is recommended!
First of all apologies for the lack of blogging recently, combine Xmas with traveling to the other side of the world, coming back to London winter and fashion week / work travel - you have a neglected blog page! I recently read an article on moving overseas - you can read here at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-happens-when-you-live-abroad/. It inspired me to write what I am wanting to write today, instead of writing about everything I got up to (which was running round like a headless chicken catching up with people along with camping, the beach and all things Kiwi) I thought it would be good to write about how differently I see things now I have been away for nearly two years, so, here goes.
When I was living in NZ I always wanted something more and always knew there was more out there for me. I literally waited for years for my opportunity and after 5 years of study and 2 1/2 of working I was more than ready to take the leap. Home is comfortable, easy and safe. It is all you have ever known. The furthest I had ever gone was Australia, twice and never went alone. I was quite loud and outgoing around family and friends but was really quite shy meeting new people in social situations. I was perfectly capable of living away from my parents but still heavily relied on them for support in all areas of my life so when I boarded that plane to England, alone, I think it is safe to say that I experienced every emotion out there, fear, excitement, sadness, anticipation - every 'what if' had crossed my mind again and again - this was it, no turning back. I was in such a state - in my whole life I had been away from my parents for 3 weeks and when I left I had no idea when I would see them again - in the end it was 20 months.
Fast forward two years and I barely recognise the young women that left NZ that day. Everything I had ever dreamed and hoped for came true even though I ended up taking a path I never saw myself taking. If you had told me on that day 21 months ago that I would visit over 20 countries, land an exciting job in fashion within a month of arriving in London and be behind the scenes at London Fashion Week another month later I just wouldn't have believed you. You grow up watching movies of small town American girls moving to NY or somewhere similar to try and make it in the big city and it wasn't until I moved to London that I realised I was the small town girl. When you move to a city as big as London with barely any money, no job and few people you can call a friend something starts to change within you. You feel the need to survive. Its scary yet profoundly motivating at the same time. Mum and Dad aren't around the corner to feed you, chuck you $20 to last you till payday, give you a kiss or hug when you really need one. In the early days I struggled greatly with being separated from my family but this only made me more determined to make my new life work as I was sacrificing a lot back home to make my dream a reality.
I recently went home for the first time in 20 months. A lot of my friends are now married, buying / bought houses, have kids / are pregnant. I still need my parents but in a different way - I feel like parents want you to grow and become your own person yet part of them will always want to take care of you. It's surreal returning to the place where I grew up for 18 years and feeling like an outsider looking in - NZ is not my life anymore but it will always be my home. Everything was the same apart from the person that returned. Change is not a bad thing - I think its one of the best things that can happen to someone but not everyone will agree - there will be people that think you've changed too much but that's OK. You have to live the life you want to live - not the life that others want you to. I came back home calm, confident, relaxed, fulfilled, successful, but most importantly,happy. My Mum has said to me that its ironic I moved to one of the busiest cities in the world and learnt to chill out and relax. Things I used to lye awake and worry about in NZ don't even get a second thought now. There is so much to see and learn about life - I used to hesitate when an opportunity arose and weigh up all the pros and cons - now I jump at any chance I get! I have to come to realise how short life really is - you just don't know when your time is up and the older you get, the faster the years seem to go. There is a whole world of opportunity out there, new cultures to experience, historical places to see and learn about, fun times with your friends and loved ones to be had. Most of the time the only thing stopping you from experiencing these things is yourself.
And so I leave you with a quote from Mark Twain. Thanks for reading and I promise the next update won't be as far away!
20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than things that you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
